Customs and signs at funerals: what you should do and what you shouldn’t do? Signs at a funeral: When to untie the hands of the deceased

Christian signs about the dead and funerals.

- The deceased should be washed only during daylight hours. Then you need to dig a hole where people don’t walk, and pour the water there after washing.

- The wheat from the glass that stood near the coffin is buried.

- If a coffin is being taken out and someone is tying knots in rags near the door, this is damage.

- The ties from the hands and feet of the deceased are placed in the coffin with the deceased.

- Don’t look at funerals from the window - this is a sign of serious illness.

- If relatives are deeply saddened by the deceased, you need to take the headdress of the deceased (scarf or hat), light it in front of the front door and go around all the rooms, reading “Our Father.” Burn the remains of the headdress outside and bury them.

- If you crossed the road in front of a deceased person and you have a “grave bone” tumor, you need to take the deceased’s right hand, move all your fingers over the tumor and read the “Our Father” three times. After each scolding, spit over your left shoulder three times. Or take the rope that tied the deceased’s hands and tie it around the tumor. Wear for 7-8 days.

- After making a coffin, shavings cannot be burned; they are usually buried.

- The bed on which a person died must be brought into the chicken coop for three nights so that the rooster sings it three times.

- You must not step on the towel near the coffin.

- If you are afraid of a dead person, then grab his legs.

- Silver items are removed from the deceased.

- When returning from a funeral, you must definitely shake off your shoes, wash your hands and hold them over a burning church candle.

- When you see a funeral on the street and a deceased person in a coffin, do not automatically touch your face or body with your hands.

- When a coffin is made, relatives should not participate in the manufacturing process.

- If the deceased is in the house, they greet with a bow.

- When the coffin is lowered into the grave, the towels on which it was lowered are buried in it.

- If the deceased does not have a cross, then you need to put it on and fold your hands like this: left below, right above. An icon (for a man - the Savior, for a woman - the Mother of God) or a cross is placed in the left hand.

- The coffin is placed in the middle of the room with its head towards the icons. The candle near the coffin burns as a sign that the deceased has moved to the realm of light, a better afterlife.

- When the coffin is taken out, the face of the deceased should be directed towards the exit.

- In the grave, the deceased lies facing east in anticipation of the second coming of Christ and as a sign that he is moving from the sunset of life to the sunrise of eternity.

- Pregnant women and menstruating women should not wash the deceased. Try not to spill water in the house - your relatives will get very sick.

- If a dead person is in the house, you can’t wash it.

- A man has died, do not allow someone to be on his bed.

- Do not put fresh flowers in the coffin.

- If there is a blush on the dead person’s face, it means it was a sorcerer.

- When a dead person is taken out of the house, you should not hammer in the lid, there may still be a dead person.

- The shroud must be sewn on a live thread and with a needle from yourself.

- During the funeral, you cannot husk seeds or eat anything, otherwise your teeth and stomach will hurt.

- You can’t take anything from a funeral, much less steal it.

- When money is placed in a coffin or in a grave, this may be followed by financial failures and all sorts of material disasters.

- Rings, bracelets, chains and other solid rounded jewelry should not be left on the deceased. It happens that the ring cannot be removed, then it is sawed off. All this is done, of course, not for mercantile motives. The greatest danger is still posed by uncut ropes, which is why the family of relatives of the deceased may experience another loss within a year. The mistake needs to be corrected as quickly as possible: at any funeral, scissors are placed in the coffin with a whisper: “Untie (so-and-so).”

- Forgotten jewelry on the deceased, buttoned buttons, knots can cause inconvenience to the soul of the deceased for some time, and then it can disturb its relatives in one way or another: from difficult dreams to an active poltergeist: noises of unknown origin in the house, a feeling of an outside presence, the clinking of dishes nights, etc. At least, if something like this happens, it happens within the first year from the moment of death.

Number of entries: 69

My father died, almost 9 days ago, we forgot to untie his legs and arms, I’m very worried, what should I do?

Catherine

Ekaterina, the church instructs a person to care more about his internal state, about his soul, and not about the external. At the time of death, the soul leaves its body and goes to God for judgment, and its eternal fate - in heaven or hell - depends on how it spent its life. After death, only our unrepentant sins can bind us, not a rope. The soul cannot be tied with a rope; the soul suffers from sins. And if you do not pray for the deceased, then this is bad for both you and him. The fact that you did not untie the deceased’s feet does not in any way affect his eternal fate. Remember the Saints who were martyred for Christ: they were thrown into prison, tied up, shot and buried in this form. However, they are Saints.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello, father! My mother Nadezhda died many years ago, in Soviet times, when she died, I was not around, and now it’s already abroad. On March 22, she had a funeral service in absentia and was given land. Tell me what should I do with her? Since I won’t be able to go to my mother’s grave in the near future, can I bury part of the soil now from one of the newly buried (albeit strangers), and save part until the moment when I can visit the grave itself? And what should I do after the funeral service in my case?

Love

Yes, Love, you decided everything correctly, you can do it this way, this is how you should do it. Moreover, if you want, you can even bury all the land given to you in a cemetery. These actions are essentially a ritual, and therefore there is a certain degree of freedom here.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

During the funeral service for the deceased, the relatives stood with unlit candles (no one prompted), and they also did not light the coffin, although lamps were provided. Did the funeral service go wrong?

Natalia

No, Natalya, don’t worry, candles are just a symbol of prayer, and the main thing in a funeral service is the prayer itself, your prayer for the deceased.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Father, the day after the funeral, relatives go to the grave and bring “food” to the deceased. Where did this come from? And is this true?

Valentina

Valentina, according to church regulations, we commemorate the dead on days 3, 9 and 40. When we go to a grave, we need to pray and serve a memorial service. Why does a dead person need food? We, the living, need food, but they only need a prayer for the repose of her soul. It is, of course, wrong to take food to the grave of a deceased person. This is a pagan tradition. It especially began to spread after the revolution, when it was forbidden to talk about God, to be baptized, to pray and to serve requiem services at the grave. People began to bring food to the grave (instead of prayer), pour vodka on the grave, leave a glass of vodka - well, why all this? The deceased needs our prayer and alms for his soul, good deeds in his memory.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Good afternoon Thank you for your answers - reading the answers and questions significantly reduces my illiteracy. The question is this - I live in Kazan, next year they are planning to open a crematorium in our city. The city is large, there are few places in the cemetery. What is the attitude of the Russian Orthodox Church towards cremation? Is this acceptable? Or do Orthodox Christians still need to avoid this procedure in favor of a regular burial? Thank you!

Alexei

Alexey, we are Orthodox people, and we must always adhere to the ancient Orthodox traditions. “From dust you were taken, and to dust you will return,” Holy Scripture tells us. The funeral service and burial are a prayer to God and dedication to the earth - “you were taken from the earth, and you will return to the earth, and the spirit will go to God,” and there is no talk of any cremation. We Orthodox Christians should adhere to burial rather than cremation, although cremation is not considered a sin. Officially, the church does not prohibit cremation. However, this is not our tradition, not the Orthodox one, it all came from the West.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello. We are very scared. Yesterday I came from the funeral of my brother’s wife, and today my stepfather died. They say that if there is a second death within 40 days, expect a third death. How can I pray for this not to happen?

Olga

Olga, why do you listen to people who say they don’t know what. There is no need to “beg” for anything. You must live in peace with God, then no enemy force will come close to you. We must not “beg,” but pray to God, go to God’s temple more often, confess and receive communion. If you want to live happily ever after, fulfill the Commandments of God, our lives depend on it. Our life and death are only in the power of God, and in no way depends on the fact that relatives die.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Is it right to keep an icon that was in the hands of the deceased at home?

Marina

Marina, there are different practices. In some churches, icons are left in the coffin, in others, icons are taken home. You can do as you wish, you can pick it up and you can leave it. If the icon is at your home, then let it remain with you.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello, tell me, I was at a funeral and carried the coffin, and it so happened that I walked under the coffin. Was it possible to do this, and what could happen?

Eugene

Evgeny, nothing can happen, well, they passed and passed, and so what? Don't worry about it, don't complicate your life. You need to go to the temple of God, if you don’t go to the temple, then there may be problems, think about this, and not about all kinds of superstitions.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Father, hello, I have a very difficult question for you. Once upon a time in her youth, she dated a young man (Vladislav) and was friends with his younger sister (Yana). The family is dysfunctional, dad abandoned them, mom drank, the children went down a bad path. Vlad had convictions for robbing apartments and drug addiction, and his sister drank and led a dissolute lifestyle in terms of young people. After some time, fate took us in different directions. Recently their mother called me and told me about the death of her children, both Vlad and Yana (the difference in their deaths was a year). And she asked me for help. She herself moves poorly, and her relatives have all turned their backs on her. After the death of her children, she started drinking. Now I have learned that Vlad’s ashes are not buried (both were cremated) and have been standing for a year and a half in the garage next to his mother’s apartment, no one can bury him, firstly, it feels as if no one is interested in this , in addition, all documents have been lost; in order to be buried in a cemetery, documents are required. Both died some strange death, apparently, Vlad died from an overdose, and Yana from drunkenness. At the moment I’m thinking about how to help them, perhaps I’ll make a notarized power of attorney to restore the documents and bury them. After all, by character, I remember, they were not bad people. My question is this: Vlad was baptized during his lifetime, but not inveterate at death, so his ashes are in the garage. And Yana sometimes went to church, but was not baptized at all. Is it worth it to have a funeral service for Vlad’s ashes in absentia until he is buried, or is it not necessary because he sinned greatly during his life? How can I help them spiritually?

Lana

Lana, if a person is baptized, he can have a funeral service, but then the ashes need to be buried, this issue needs to be addressed. It is impossible to have a funeral service for Yana - she is not baptized, she is not a member of the church. Regardless of sins, it is necessary to pray for the departed; in church we do not pray only for the unbaptized and for suicides, but you can pray for them at home. It is good to give alms for the dead and do good deeds. Saint Blessed Xenia of Petersburg, with her life and her actions, begged her husband when he died without repentance.

Hieromonk Victorin (Aseev)

Hello! 5 years ago the guy I was dating died. Before the funeral, his relatives said that I, as the girl he was dating, should buy and put an engagement ring on him, and I did so. Since then, my personal life has not worked out. Tell me, maybe the ring I put on the deceased will influence my destiny?

Marina

No, Marina, this wedding ring cannot influence your life in any way. This is a superstition, and absolutely no serious significance should be attached to it.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello. Tell me, please, they buried my grandmother, and in the chaos they forgot to untie her legs and arms! What to do? What does this mean? And then a lot of bad things have been written about this. Thank you.

Julia

Hello Julia! Do not worry. In a spiritual sense, this does not play any role. The main thing is our prayer and alms for the departed. This is what the soul of the deceased really needs.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

Hello! My mother died on December 25th. On the third day we buried her. The funeral service was held. Three churches ordered magpies. We ourselves read the Psalter at the grave, and now we continue. During burial, a cross was placed in his hand. But only now I realized that we didn’t put on the pectoral cross. This really torments me. Is there anything that can be done now? Thanks in advance for your answer.

Olga

Hello Olga! It is enough that the cross is placed in the hand. The main thing is, do not give up prayer and perform church commemoration; all this is necessary even after forty days.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

Hello, fathers! On December 12, the father-in-law was buried, since that day the mother-in-law has been worried that the deceased’s legs were not untied (at least no one checked this), and because of this she cannot sleep, this problem constantly gnaws and torments her. What to do in this case?

Natalia

Natalya, your mother-in-law’s fears are based on superstitions, nothing more. Try to calm her down, these are absolutely empty thoughts, and rather than waste time on them, it’s better to pray for the deceased.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello! Please tell me why you can’t cry and mourn too much at a funeral? When my dad died, I screamed and cried very much, and my grandmother came up to me and said that this was impossible. Why?

Galina

Hello, Galina! It is human nature to grieve for loved ones, but excessive grief for the deceased is a sign of disbelief in eternal life. Crying must be replaced with a prayer for repose. This will help the soul of the deceased, and you yourself will feel better.

Priest Vladimir Shlykov

Hello, father! During her lifetime she gave her dress to her friend, but after some time she died suddenly. At the funeral, I saw that she was buried in this dress! Her mother says that she didn’t know about it, and that it’s okay, because I gave it to her during my lifetime, and I was very scared! I don’t mind the dress at all, I’m afraid it doesn’t pose a danger to me? Then her mom gave me her things, can I wear them? I didn’t want to take it, again out of fear, but I couldn’t refuse. I know that my deceased friend would share with pleasure, and if she sees us, she doesn’t feel sorry. Can you please tell me what to do? Maybe my fears are simply due to the great stress from losing a friend, maybe I need to go to church? Thank you in advance.

Elena

Yes, Elena, your fears are completely unfounded. Please throw such superstitions out of your head: firstly, they have nothing to do with reality, and, secondly, they simply darken life.

Hegumen Nikon (Golovko)

Hello! My husband committed suicide, there was no funeral service for him, I took the sin on my soul and during the funeral I put his pectoral cross on his chest, and put the icon, the cross and the handwriting in his hands. Tell me if it is possible to perform the funeral service for him in absentia, since he was in the hospital named after him with his illness. Alekseeva? I do not have documents from this hospital, since I took him under my own responsibility and refused the certificates. How should I deal with this situation? I contacted the church, but the priest told me that he did not have time to talk to me. Thank you in advance for your answer!

Oksana

Ksenia,
You need to restore the hospital records, contact the diocesan administration with them and receive a blessing for the funeral service in absentia. After this, it is possible to perform a funeral service in absentia.
God help me.

Priest Sergius Osipov

If you forgot to untie the hands and feet of the deceased

From the story of M. G. Krivosheeva:

“We made a serious mistake during the funeral. In our haste and excitement, we forgot to untie my father's hands and feet. Soon after the funeral, my mother began to say that she dreams about her dad every day. In her dreams, he either cries or complains that he cannot step foot or cross himself with his hand, that because of this he is not allowed to the gate. And sometimes he would get angry in his sleep and swear that it was because of us that he was still standing at some gate. About a month after this, my mother told me that she had a dream and her father allegedly told her:

“You’ll have to come to me, I can’t untie myself.” Get ready, I'm waiting.

I began to reassure my mother, saying that dreams do not always come true. And somewhere two days later my mother says to me in the morning:

- Daughter, my dad said in a dream that I made an agreement about me, I’ll see you on the eighth.

And indeed, on February 8th, my mother died. I am also writing to you because three days after my mother’s death I had a dream that my mother was telling me:

“I can’t do anything about his strings.” There's a knot on a knot. Don’t be offended, daughter, but we really can’t untie the ties and we can’t do without you. And I don’t have the strength to stand at the gate. Everyone passes us through the gate, and my grandfather and I stand like two pillars. Is a month enough for you to get ready? Do your business and come to us, we are waiting.

You understand, Natalya Ivanovna, how bad my soul felt after this dream. I told one woman, and she “comforted” me, saying that the whole family would clean up after each other.

They say that there is such a reprimand to get rid of someone who has not had the ties removed from his arms and legs. I ask you not to hesitate and send me this report. I really hope for you and ask by Christ God not to refuse.

Attached is the consultation coupon. Best regards, Maria."

I sent a report to Maria Grigorievna.

In this book I am writing a conspiracy in case someone also makes a mistake at a funeral and does not untie the deceased before he is lowered into the grave. First they read a prayer, and then a conspiracy.

O All-Holy Nicholas, honorable servant of the Lord, our warm intercessor and quick helper everywhere in sorrow!

Help me, a sinner and a sad person, in this present life, beg the Lord God to grant me forgiveness of all my sins, which I have sinned greatly from my youth, throughout my life, in deed, word, thought and all my feelings, and in the end of my soul help them , accursed one, with the mind of the Lord God, the Creator of all creation, deliver me from airy ordeals and eternal torment. Yes, Your merciful intercession is now and ever and forever and ever. Amen.

Mother Theotokos
She gave birth to Jesus Christ and gave deliverance to the world.
Deliver, Lord, the servants of God (names)
From the dead-hunter, from a premature end.
From a vain death, from a terrible death.
May God let us live alive,
And guard the coffins of the dead.
Their eyes are closed, their houses are packed.
Their lips are anointed with oil,
Those who were not untied are untied.
Who knows this conspiracy?
He protects him from the dead.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

A funeral is a place where the spirit of the deceased is present, where the living and the afterlife come into contact. At a funeral you should be extremely careful and cautious. It’s not for nothing that they say that pregnant women should not go to funerals. It is easy to drag an unborn soul into the afterlife.

Funeral.
According to Christian rules, the deceased should be buried in a coffin. In it he will rest (keep) until the future resurrection. The grave of the deceased must be kept clean, respectful and orderly. After all, even the Mother of God was placed in a coffin, and the coffin was left in the grave until the day when the Lord called His Mother to Himself.

The clothes in which a person died should not be given to either one’s own or strangers. Mostly it is burned. If relatives are against this and want to wash their clothes and put them away, then that is their right. But it should be remembered that under no circumstances should these clothes be worn for 40 days.

CAUTION: FUNERAL...

The cemetery is one of the dangerous places; damage is often caused in this place.

And often this happens unconsciously.
Magicians recommend keeping several in memory practical advice and warnings, then you will be reliably protected

• A woman came to one healer and said that after, on the advice of a neighbor, she threw out the bed of a deceased woman (sister), serious problems began in her family. She shouldn't have done that.

• If you see the deceased in a coffin, do not mechanically touch your body - tumors may appear that will be difficult to cure.

• If you meet someone you know at a funeral, greet them with a nod rather than a touch or handshake.

• While there is a dead person in the house, you should not wash the floors or sweep them, as this can bring disaster to the whole family.

• To preserve the body of the deceased, some recommend placing needles crosswise on his lips. This will not help preserve the body. But these needles can fall into the wrong hands and will be used to cause damage. It is better to put a bunch of sage grass in the coffin.

• For candles you need to use any new candlesticks. It is especially not recommended to use dishes from which you eat for candles at a funeral, even used empty cans. It’s better to buy new ones, and once you’ve used them, get rid of them.

• Never put photographs in a coffin. If you listen to the advice “so that he himself does not exist” and bury a photo of the entire family with the deceased, then soon all the photographed relatives risk following the deceased.

source

FUNERAL SIGNS AND RITUALS.

There are many beliefs and rituals associated with the death and subsequent burial of the deceased. Some of them have survived to this day. But do we suspect their true meaning?
According to Christian custom, the dead person should lie in the grave with his head to the west and feet to the east. This is how, according to legend, the body of Christ was buried.
Even in relatively recent times, there was a concept of a “Christian” death. It implied mandatory repentance before death. In addition, cemeteries were established at church parishes. That is, only members of this parish could be buried in such a graveyard.

If a person died “without repentance” - say, took his own life, became a victim of murder or an accident, or simply did not belong to a particular parish, then a special burial order was often established for such deceased. For example, in large cities they were buried twice a year, on the feast of the Intercession of the Virgin Mary and on the seventh Thursday after Easter. Special places were allocated for the storage of such remains, called Poor Houses, pitiful houses, riots, rotting places or poor women . They set up a barn there and built a huge common grave in it. The bodies of those who died a sudden or violent death were brought here - of course, provided that there was no one who could take care of their burial. And at that time, when there was no telephone, telegraph or other means of communication, the death of a person on the road could mean that his loved ones would never hear from him again. As for wanderers, beggars, and executed people, they automatically fell into the category of “clients” of the Poor Houses. Suicides and robbers were also sent here.
During the reign of Peter I, dissected corpses from hospitals began to be brought to the poor houses. By the way, illegitimate children and orphans from shelters kept at Poor Houses were also buried there - this was the practice then... The dead were guarded by a guard called "God's house" .
In Moscow there were several similar “corpse storage facilities”: for example, at the Church of St. John the Warrior, on the street, which was called Bozhedomka , at the Church of the Assumption of the Mother of God on Mogiltsy and at the Pokrovsky Monastery on Poor Houses. On the appointed days, a religious procession with a memorial service was held here. The burial of “those who died without repentance” was carried out using donations from pilgrims.
Such a terrible practice was stopped only at the end of the 18th century, after Moscow was subjected to a plague epidemic and there was a danger of the infection spreading through unburied corpses... Cemeteries appeared in cities, and the burial procedure at church parishes was abolished. There were also many customs, signs and rituals, concerning the departure of the deceased on his last journey. Among the Russian peasants, the deceased was placed on a bench, with his head in "red corner" where the icons hung, they covered it with a white canvas (shroud), folded their hands on their chest, and the dead man had to “hold” a white handkerchief in his right hand. All this was done so that he could appear before God in the proper form. It was believed that if the dead man’s eyes remained open, then this supposedly meant the imminent death of someone else close to him. Therefore, they always tried to close the eyes of the dead - in the old days, for this purpose, copper coins were placed on them.
While the body was in the house, a knife was thrown into a tub of water - this allegedly prevented the spirit of the deceased from entering the room. Until the funeral, no one was lent anything - not even salt. The windows and doors were kept tightly closed. While the deceased was in the house, pregnant women were not allowed to cross his threshold - this could have a bad effect on the child... It was customary to close the mirrors in the house so that the deceased would not be reflected in them...
It was necessary to put underwear, a belt, a hat, bast shoes and small coins in the coffin. It was believed that things could be useful to the deceased in the next world, and the money would serve as payment for transportation to the kingdom of the dead... True, at the beginning of the 19th century. this custom took on a different meaning. If during a funeral a coffin with previously buried remains was accidentally dug up, then money was supposed to be thrown into the grave - a “contribution” for the new “neighbor”. If a child died, they always put a belt on him so that he could collect fruits in the Garden of Eden in his bosom...
When the coffin was carried out, it was supposed to touch the threshold of the hut and the entryway three times in order to receive a blessing from the deceased. At the same time, some old woman showered the coffin and those accompanying with grains. If the head of the family - the owner or mistress - died, then all the gates and doors in the house were tied with red thread - so that the household would not leave after the owner.

They buried him on the third day, when the soul should have finally flown away from the body. This custom has survived to this day, as well as the one that instructs everyone present to throw a handful of earth onto the coffin lowered into the grave. The earth is a symbol of purification; in ancient times it was believed that it absorbed all the filth that a person had accumulated during his life. In addition, among the pagans, this rite restored the connection of the newly deceased with the entire family.
In Rus', it has long been believed that if it rains during a funeral, the soul of the deceased will fly safely to heaven. Like, if the rain cries for a dead man, it means he was a good person...
Modern wakes were once called funeral feasts. This was a special ritual designed to facilitate the transition to another world. For the funeral feast, special funeral dishes were prepared: kutya, which is hard-cooked rice with raisins. Kutya is supposed to be treated to a meal in the cemetery immediately after the burial. Russian funerals are also not complete without pancakes - pagan symbols of the Sun.
And these days, during wakes, they place a glass of vodka on the table, covered with a crust of bread, for the deceased. There is also a belief: if any food falls from the table at a wake, then you cannot pick it up - this is a sin.
On forties, honey and water were placed in front of the icons so that the deceased would have a sweeter life in the next world. Sometimes they baked a staircase the length of an arshin from wheat flour to help the deceased ascend to heaven... Alas, now this custom is no longer observed.

The world is changing, and so are we. Many are returning to the Christian faith for consolation and hope. It has become customary to celebrate Christian holidays.
Christmas, Epiphany, Holy Trinity, Parents' Days... However, either out of ignorance or for other reasons, old traditions are often replaced by new ones.

Unfortunately, today there are no issues more shrouded in all kinds of speculation and prejudice than issues related to the burial of the dead and their commemoration.
What the all-knowing old ladies won’t say!

But there is appropriate Orthodox literature, which is not difficult to acquire. For example, in all Orthodox parishes of our city they sell
brochure "Orthodox Commemoration of the Dead", in which you can find answers to many questions.
The main thing that we MUST understand: deceased loved ones first of all need
in prayers for them. Thank God, in our time there is a place to pray. In every district of the city
Orthodox parishes have been opened and new churches are being built.

This is what is said about the funeral meal in the brochure “Orthodox Commemoration”
deceased:

In the Orthodox tradition, eating food is a continuation of worship. Since early Christian times, relatives and acquaintances of the deceased gathered together on special days of remembrance in order to ask the Lord in joint prayer for a better fate for the soul of the deceased in the afterlife.

After visiting the church and cemetery, the relatives of the deceased arranged a memorial meal, to which not only relatives were invited, but mainly those in need: the poor and needy.
That is, a wake is a kind of alms for those gathered.

The first dish is kutya - boiled wheat grains with honey or boiled rice with raisins, which are blessed at a memorial service in the temple.

There should be no alcohol at the funeral table. The custom of drinking alcohol is an echo of pagan funeral feasts.
Firstly, Orthodox funerals are not only (and not the main thing) food, but also prayer, and prayer and a drunken mind are incompatible things.
Secondly, on the days of remembrance, we intercede with the Lord for the improvement of the afterlife fate of the deceased, for the forgiveness of his earthly sins. But will the Supreme Judge listen to the words of drunken intercessors?
Thirdly, “drinking is joy of the soul.” And after drinking a glass, our mind scatters, switches to other topics, grief for the deceased leaves our hearts, and quite often it happens that by the end of the wake, many forget why they gathered - the wake ends with an ordinary feast with a discussion of everyday problems and political news, and sometimes worldly songs.

And at this time, the languishing soul of the deceased waits in vain for prayerful support from his loved ones. And for this sin of unmercifulness towards the deceased, the Lord will exact from them at His judgment. What, compared to this, is condemnation from neighbors for the absence of alcohol at the funeral table?

Instead of the common atheistic phrase “May he rest in peace,” pray briefly:
“O Lord, rest the soul of Your newly departed servant (name), and forgive him all his sins, voluntary and involuntary, and grant him the Kingdom of Heaven.”
This prayer must be performed before starting the next dish.

There is no need to remove forks from the table—there is no point in doing so.

There is no need to place cutlery in honor of the deceased, or even worse, place vodka in a glass with a piece of bread in front of the portrait. All this is the sin of paganism.

Particularly a lot of gossip is caused by curtaining mirrors, supposedly in order to avoid the reflection of the coffin with the deceased in them and thereby protect against the appearance of another deceased in the house. The absurdity of this opinion is that the coffin can be reflected in any shiny object, but you can’t cover everything in the house.

But the main thing is that our life and death do not depend on any signs, but are in the hands of God.

If funeral services take place on fast days, then the food should be fast.

If the commemoration took place during Lent, then commemorations are not held on weekdays. They are postponed to the next (forward) Saturday or Sunday...
If the memorial days fell on the 1st, 4th and 7th weeks of Lent (the strictest weeks), then the closest relatives are invited to the funeral.

Memorial days falling on Bright Week (the first week after Easter) and on Monday of the second Easter week are transferred to Radonitsa - Tuesday of the second week after Easter (Parents' Day).

Funerals on the 3rd, 9th and 40th days are organized for relatives, relatives, friends and acquaintances of the deceased. You can come to such funerals to honor the deceased without an invitation. On other days of remembrance, only the closest relatives gather.
It is useful these days to give alms to the poor and needy.

Orthodox Christians believe that after death the deceased must have his legs and arms bound. For what purpose is this being done? In this article we will talk about several versions that, it seems to us, can help to understand this issue.

Why do they tie the hands and feet of a dead person from a mystical point of view?

1. First, let's remember the most common version, which grandmothers used to scare their grandchildren for many decades: the hands and feet of the deceased are tied so that he cannot get up and do something strange somewhere. The roots of these old wives' tales go back to pagan times and today, of course, are not taken seriously by anyone.
2. The next step is to untie the bonds before the coffin is lowered into the ground. In this case, the ropes are folded in one of the corners of the coffin and together with it are attached to the ground. In the old days, a woman hired specifically for this purpose made sure that this was done and that no one took the ropes.
3. Mystics explain the need for this action by saying that it is impossible for the soul to free itself from a bound body, since it is attracted by ropes. This means she will not be able to continue her journey to the Kingdom of Heaven. There is no information about anything like this in the Orthodox Church canons.
4. However, sorcerers and witches, who are also not recognized by the church, go to great lengths to obtain ropes cut from the hands and feet of the deceased before giving it to the earth. There is an opinion that, using such funeral attributes, these evil forces can send damage to death. That's all that we managed to learn from the field of mysticism. Now let's move on to more or less real explanations.

A realistic explanation of the reasons why the dead's hands and feet are tied

The need to tie hands and feet can be explained by physiological reasons.

For two and sometimes three days, the muscles and tendons of the deceased remain mobile. Therefore, in order for the body to lie in the coffin in the proper position, it must be given a certain position. If this is not done, then during the process of rigor the body can take the most unpredictable poses, which may simply not allow it to be placed in a coffin.

There are cases when the body was not tied in time and in order to put it in the required position it was necessary to cut the tendons. For the same reason, it is customary to tie up the jaw of the deceased and ensure that the eyes are completely closed.

Another completely logical explanation for the need to tie hands is the Orthodox tradition of inserting a candle and an image with the face of a saint into the hands of the deceased. To do this, the arms must be crossed on the chest, and a similar effect could be achieved only after the arms were fixed with a rope.

People's opinions about the reasons why the hands and feet of the dead are tied

People share their vision of the reason that forces the deceased to tie his limbs:

• The soul of the deceased is tied to the dead flesh with the help of ropes so that it does not have the opportunity to remain in the real world. And when the coffin is already lowered into the ground, the ropes are untied to release the soul to freedom and give it the opportunity to begin its journey to the Kingdom of Heaven.
• Doctors say that a completely natural reaction to muscle contraction as a result of their rigor may be to raise an arm or leg. And then returning them to the desired position can be very difficult.

What to do if relatives forgot to cut the ropes binding the deceased

According to the clergy, there is nothing wrong with this. You just need to read the prayer:

O All-Holy Nicholas, honorable servant of the Lord, our warm intercessor and quick helper everywhere in sorrow!

Help me, a sinner and a sad person, in this present life, beg the Lord God to grant me forgiveness of all my sins, which I have sinned greatly from my youth, throughout my life, in deed, word, thought and all my feelings, and in the end of my soul help them , accursed one, with the mind of the Lord God, the Creator of all creation, deliver me from airy ordeals and eternal torment. Yes, Your merciful intercession is now and ever and forever and ever. Amen.

And then the conspiracy:

Mother Theotokos
She gave birth to Jesus Christ and gave deliverance to the world.
Deliver, Lord, the servants of God (names)
From the dead-hunter, from a premature end.
From a vain death, from a terrible death.
May God let us live alive,
And guard the coffins of the dead.
Their eyes are closed, their houses are packed.
Their lips are anointed with oil,
Those who were not untied are untied.
Who knows this conspiracy?
He protects him from the dead.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.